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"Eating Invisible Things"
..playing away from the bear..
Created on 2005-04-01 19:28:10 (#6656056), last updated 2005-10-03
23 comments received, 5 comments posted
Basic Account [Gift]
7 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 4 Userpics
Basic Info BioHullo.
One fine day with a woof and a purr, I was born. Or maybe Catdog. Why won't he die?! But yes, 'twas a happy day when I was born, the doctors told my mother "Congratulations, this is the first case of an invisible baby we've ever encountered!" but soon realised I was still in the womb, and there was much disappointment. Upon birth I possessed the ability to conjure gold and lobsters out of mid-air, but that was not enough to take away my mother's disappointment about my lack of invisibility. She called me "Lobster Bitch-nugget" until I told her my name is actually "Artyom".
Eventually I was translocated from Russia to Australia, and also increased significantly in mass and volume. Gaining the ability to speak English allowed me to fulfill my lifelong dream: ordering large fries and a munt at McDonald's. The cracks in my faith in capitalism began to appear when I was told that a "munt" is not a foodstuff, but is instead a 12th-century Eskimo vessel used to ship snow from one village to another. I of course did not believe this hogwash, promptly telling the nice cashier girl (nametag: "McBrenda") that Eskimos are extinct. When I was told otherwise, I cried and received a free party hat and that was my greatest accomplishment. Other than inventing a stuffed hedghehog toy with an edible face, but that, my dearest of dears, is a story for another time.
I continued to live for a while, until a period in 1999. That was fun. Eventually I graduated high school, entered university, and sometimes I like to play in the mud.
That's me.
One fine day with a woof and a purr, I was born. Or maybe Catdog. Why won't he die?! But yes, 'twas a happy day when I was born, the doctors told my mother "Congratulations, this is the first case of an invisible baby we've ever encountered!" but soon realised I was still in the womb, and there was much disappointment. Upon birth I possessed the ability to conjure gold and lobsters out of mid-air, but that was not enough to take away my mother's disappointment about my lack of invisibility. She called me "Lobster Bitch-nugget" until I told her my name is actually "Artyom".
Eventually I was translocated from Russia to Australia, and also increased significantly in mass and volume. Gaining the ability to speak English allowed me to fulfill my lifelong dream: ordering large fries and a munt at McDonald's. The cracks in my faith in capitalism began to appear when I was told that a "munt" is not a foodstuff, but is instead a 12th-century Eskimo vessel used to ship snow from one village to another. I of course did not believe this hogwash, promptly telling the nice cashier girl (nametag: "McBrenda") that Eskimos are extinct. When I was told otherwise, I cried and received a free party hat and that was my greatest accomplishment. Other than inventing a stuffed hedghehog toy with an edible face, but that, my dearest of dears, is a story for another time.
I continued to live for a while, until a period in 1999. That was fun. Eventually I graduated high school, entered university, and sometimes I like to play in the mud.
That's me.
ConnectInterests (146):
80's trash films, acting, air, apes, arthouse cinema, awful films, banned films, belle and sebastian, bizzareness, blondie, brian eno, british humour, brooding, buses, captain beefheart, cat power, cat stevens, cats, charles band, cheap vinyl, chuck palahniuk, coffee, cult cinema, cult followings, cute kittens, dario argento, david bowie, david lynch, eagles of death metal, erasure, european animation, eurotrash cinema, film history, frank black, fred olen ray, frou frou, girls who like me, goldfrapp, h.r giger, hayao miyazaki, iggy pop, inebriation, interpol, jean-pierre jeunet, joe d'amato, john frusciante, john lennon, johnny cash, joy division, karen o, kava, kings of leon, kraftwerk, lance henriksen, lars von trier, laughter, led zeppelin, long hair, lou reed, lucio fulci, made up words, michel gondry, milla jovovich, millionaire, modest mouse, mogwai, mystery science theatre 3000, mythical creatures, neu!, nico, noraneko, obscure folk tales, old military clothing, omar rodriguez-lopez, owls, paul thomas anderson, peaches, peter stormare, philip seymour hoffman, picking mushrooms, pouting, procrastinating, psychedelia, randomness, red hot chili peppers, redwall, retro fashion, robert plant, rockabilly music, russian cuisine, sam raimi, schlock horror, scotch and coke, shaun micallef, silence, siouxsie & the banshees, sleeping, solitude, spike jonze, stanley kubrick, steeleye span, syd barrett, synthesisers, talking heads, tea, television, the 70's, the 80's, the arcade fire, the b-52's, the beatles, the bees, the black keys, the dandy warhols, the doors, the faint, the fiery furnaces, the flaming lips, the hives, the libertines, the mars volta, the mighty boosh, the pixies, the shins, the simpsons, the stills, the strokes, the velvet underground, the warlocks, the white stripes, tom waits, trolls, troma, underground cinema, university, uwe boll, vincent gallo, wasting time, wayne coyne, ween, whiskey, woodland animals, yeah yeah yeahs, yello, yes, zombies
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